What’s the difference between stress and anxiety?

Does this sound familiar? You’re feeling tension. You can’t relax. Your mind is racing. Is this stress or anxiety?? The words “stress” and “anxiety” are used so interchangeably that it can become confusing as to what you’re really experiencing. They both feel similar, which is why it’s hard to differentiate the two emotions. Stress and anxiety both show symptoms such as: irritability, anger, frustration, difficulty sleeping, racing thoughts, body tension, difficulty focusing, and increase or lack of appetite. Other side effects of stress and anxiety are difficulty maintaining or building relationships with others, decrease in work or school performance, and just not feeling like yourself.

So how to tell the difference?

Stress is the result of a short term external trigger such as a test, work deadline, argument with a friend or significant other, or the long to do list. Have you noticed that once those external triggers have been resolved, so do those uncomfortable emotions? It feels like you can breathe again. Relief that the stressful event is over.

Anxiety on the other hand is feeling the body tension, difficulty sleeping, irritability, excessive worry in the absence of the external trigger. Maybe you have thoughts like: there isn’t anything I’m stressed about, so why do I feel this general unease? Anxiety can be experienced due to biology. Some of us are predisposed to experiencing it, so we can be sensitive to our environment, the weather, a TV show, and even the energy of another person can be subtle cues to our body that say, “this is something to worry about.” Those who are prone to experience anxiety more frequently can also be sensitive to their internal environment. Perhaps you hear something on the news that triggers a thought of perceived danger. For example, you’re watching the news and they mention a new medical test has been approved. Your mind might take you to the place of, “do I need to get tested for that? Could I develop some sort of illness?” And then hello, anxiety! You all of the sudden can’t relax and feel keyed up.

Anxiety can also be a habit. Our brains notice stress or something that changes in our environment, and the mind starts to worry as a form of coping. Essentially, your brain is saying, “if I worry about this, that will solve the problem.” The issue with that is, you guessed it, it doesn’t work. Instead of dealing and facing the problem, emotion, or stressful event head on, you’re preoccupied with your thoughts about the problem. This causes a state of inaction, and the stressful event or anxious activity in the body continues to go unresolved, building over time. Our brains are like Velcro for “negative” reactions. (Dr. Rick Hanson, 2009) Why? Because it’s kept us safe throughout evolution. “If I focus on perceived threats, I’ll be on guard and ready to protect myself.” This has done well for us throughout history when we needed to fight off actual threats and find food/shelter, but now that our physical needs are met, this Velcro for the negative just acts as a habit in our brains that keeps us stuck in a state of anxiety and reactivity.

OK. So what can I do about it?

Therapy is beneficial when working with stress or anxiety because it’s hard to work with our own thoughts. It can feel like we’re battling a monster that is so skilled in tricking us that we just feel defeated and exhausted, which is a perfect recipe for keeping us stuck in those unhelpful habits. Working with a counselor to overcome anxiety and stress can help you see your thought patterns objectively, so it’s much easier to see your reactions. A counselor can also help you develop new ways of thinking and help you stay accountable and consistent when creating these new patterns. So, remember how our brains react to negativity like Velcro? Positivity acts like Teflon for the brain. (Dr. Rick Hanson, 2009) In other words, positivity doesn’t stick. Counseling can help this by reframing your thoughts and engaging in exercises that build the positivity muscle over time.

This process can take time and commitment to change. And sometimes this commitment can feel daunting. But remember what is on the other side of this dedication to change: a life without reactivity and more confidence and resiliency when dealing with stress. Imagine a life where you no longer held yourself back and you went into difficult situations with the thought of, “I can do this.”